Insomnia, Avant, a death, and a widow.

It's 6:00 a.m., and I have been up for an hour and a half all because I can't sleep. Usually I would be enjoying the slumber that comes so easy these days, my head buried in a pillow, pretending I don't have one of my children's feet in my face and another one's faint cry in my ear. But right now, I'm willingly awake without the sound, smell, or touch of children. I should do this more often.

I thought you may like to hear the news that we got accepted with Avant (www.avantministries.org click on "avant info" to see the video about what we will be doing). I'm excited that we know one thing for sure right now. Because we certainly don't know much else (can I use those words together?). So the plan is that we will go to Italy in 2009 and that we will be living in Indianapolis until then.

On a sad note, Thomas' cousin passed away a few days ago. She was only 39 and left behind three kids, the youngest which is 14. Rhonda had cancer that she thought until recently was in remission. I keep thinking about her kids and how hard this must be. They will all be going to separate states with different relatives. Today is the memorial service and Thomas was asked to do the service. He is honored yet nervous.

I've had a lot on my mind this morning. I have been in prayer for those kids and for Thomas' family, for our friends in Italy, for a woman named Polly who I received an e-mail about last night. Polly lives in Israel and is a widow and mother of some orphaned children. She loves Jesus. An anti-missionary group there decided to have a (court approved) protest in front of her house because she has "proselytized" children (she told them about Jesus, even though the only evidence of this is from a child of a Jewish family who became a Christian because he was friends with her children a long time ago). So this poor woman had 250 protesters in front of her house outraged at her because she loves God. I can't imagine how painful it would be to be intentionally hated by so many people.

Well, I will go for now. Hope this find you doing well. I'll leave you with some pictures of our kids.

-Cristi

A New Day by Thomas

Here we sit together on Saturday morning as the kids are begging to put up a Christmas tree... and they're wanting candy canes to munch on. "We picked up our toys! Please," they are saying. We went downtown last night to see the beloved Indianapolis Circle Monument artificial Christmas tree. Lights streamed from the ground to the top of the statue a few hundred feet into the air. The lights were beautiful but it was incredibly too cold for my hands, so we quickly moved indoors to the Circle Center Mall where the crowds weren't actually too bad. The kids really love lights and all the decorations that come with these weeks that center around Jesus' birthday. Last night Cristi asked the significance of Christmas; Elias cried out it's "Jesus' Birthday!". Then he exclaimed I love Jesus! Sometimes I wonder what effects we have had on our children when it comes to our faith tradition. But when we heard that Elias loves Jesus it made my heart glad... it's more Jesus getting through to him than my feeble ways of sharing Christ with my children that I m sure of.
The air is crisp and dry the leaves are still falling to the ground...there is the smell of logs burning at nighttime, and I just love the smell of a fireplace. It reminds me of how the holidays should be spent. Thanksgiving was extra special this year. "I Am Alive!" This was one of the thankful things we shared around the table this year. We each shared things that we were thankful for and we went around more than a few times. Cristi's grandma, who we call "GeeGee," said she was thankful that we have gone around this many times and are so grateful. This has been sort of a tradition with this special day and I hope that it does have lasting effects on our children, I don't know what we would do if we didn't have family. My parents live about 20 minutes from Cristi's parents so it's perfect that we eat at Cristi's and go to my parents for dessert, which this year was cherry cheesecake. I gave up pumkin pie and it was well worth it...besides I had all the other pies the next day. Turkey stuffing gravy sandwiches are my personal favorite, as I sat yesterday feeding Ezra Cash the leftovers. He likes food like I do and I couldn't shovel it in fast enough. He would start crying and then I would get the spoon to his lip as it quivered...he would take a bite and it would start all over again.
Cristi and I actually have had alot of time together due to this accident, and being around family has given us time for date; yesterday we were able to get away and walk together, sit and talk and hold hands. I love my wife and am so thankful for her through this whole ordeal, I don't know where i would be with out her? Jesus gave me a good wife, he also gave me good friends that love me and care for me, they pray for me just like I pray for them and thats what keeps us together holding tightly as we Journey this walk of life. Allen and Annie came tho see us this week too, and it was so good to connect with our dear friends from Chicago we do miss the windy city, but feel God is doing something here with us.
I pray for you all who read this that you may know Christ Jesus, and become familar with and aspect of his suffering; not that I wish ill for you, but that you might be set free to love as Christ loves, and loved you when you were yet sinners he died for you. And he did not stay in the grave but has risen indeed, that you too may have the newness of life, Christ said just as the Father has life within himself, so to the Son has life within himself and can raise the dead to whom he chooses. I pray that you might be chosen to have new life put in you, to be raised from death to life. May I too choose life today and not death!
May you be richly blessed, I love you
Thomas

Hi It's me Thomas

So I had my first physical therepy session and my hands are sore, but the she was very kind and meassured my hands for pressure garments. This will help with the scaring which may take up to a year to return to a normal color, my skin is very bright purplish red with a harsh line where my non-burnt skin is. I guess this gives me another good reason to get sleeve tatoo's or at least past the lines anyway.
I still can't believe all the cards and e-mails I have receievd the support that I feel from all of you, is helping in this difficult time of my life where my hands don't quite feel like they are mine. My face is healed completely with only a little discolorization, but some one meeting me on the street problebly would notice anything different. The gloves I am wearing would bring more attention to me than anything else. I have not started any art since before October 16, the day of the accident I have tried to scetch but to no use there isn't anything there, which is odd for me I have been given a over active imagination since my birth. But pyscologically this has been the most tramatic event in my life, although I still believe this to be the will of God for my life walking out his will is the rub; how do I pick up the pieces of who I am in this experience of my "new birth expierence". We talk and sing of the "Refiner's Fire" of our God, but no one really wants to go through it, or at least I don't really want to, I just want the end result of it! To be holy and obediant to our Lord and Savior Jesus and His Father our God. But the Holy Spirit brings us to places like Jesus walked, the wilderness after the Baptism. For those of you you experienced Jesus working in me at the hospital, I believe that something was happening both in me and through me in those early days especially. Ask some of those who gave time to come and see me, Allen and Annie, Mike, Arron and Jessica, Curt, Tim, Tom and his wife Sue, John, Brian, Bill, and many others. But days past and a deep depression came over me and I had thoughts of going home to Jesus, Curt and Tim sang Keith Green songs. It was beautiful, but I had no voice to sing myself though I had desire to even in the darkness and hollowness of heart that I was in. There was a day that Arron came and sat with me and I didn't really talk, but it meant so much to just be sat with. Eric wiped my bum more than once in his visit and treated me so very kind he will be a great Phd. theologian, because of his gentleness keeps his head nearer to his heart. This whole thing has shown me far to much for me to process, I deeply need all of you in my life, I really mean this!
May God richly bless you all.

skin grafts, pyschiatrists, and cousins

An update on Thomas Sh'mot...

Went to the Dr. on Monday and saw the Plastic Surgeon...the guy who has the last say in whether or not T will need skin grafts. Can I just say, before I go into detail about that, how nice everyone is at this burn unit...and how unbelievably amazing the unit is? Having experienced Cook County...with all you would expect from a County Hospital in the heart of Chicago...I was astonished by the friendliness of all the nurses and the home-like atmosphere that this unit extended to us. After all, in a perfect world, not one like Chicago, we are technically the paying customers and deserve some sort of non third-worldness. I sound like I'm complaining...and well, I am. But I truly have nothing to complain about, for God's redemption was present in those last couple of days in the County Hospital, as we had wonderful treatment from very kind nurses and doctors, and even had the opportunity to pray with and for a couple of the Christian nurses.

Previous to those last two days, I had a certain dread as I entered the unit, the smell of fresh urine on the waiting room carpet colliding with the scent of sterile sheets and towels and gowns. One afternoon I walked in and for the first time in several days, I laid next to my husband in his little orthopedic bed, complete with plastic lining and some sort of deflated air mattress topper. I breathed deep and for the first time in over a week, I felt my body relax, for at home I would fall into bed, thinking about Thomas laying alone in the hospital and my baby sleeping in someone else's apartment. My eyes would close before I could even contemplate being all alone in our apartment where we have spent the last eight months sleeping five of us in one bedroom. And on the other nights that I spent at the hospital in that vinyl recliner that would sit me upright any time I moved an inch, I would not sleep well because of the beeping monitor above my head and because of my husband who would wake up needing to use the bathroom or needing more pain medicine every hour or so.

Well, I was laying there in the bed slowly falling asleep when the little Indian woman who was assigned as Thomas' psychiatrist, walked in. I got out of the bed, trying to look awake, and took a seat back in my designated recliner. I tried to be friendly, as I wanted her to see us as normal as possible, considering she had seen Thomas at his worst when interviewing him on drugs (probably should be sure to mention it was morphine). She said to me, in a voice I can't put words to but that I can assure you annoyed the crap out of me (as it was in a sort of passive aggressive, joking but not joking kind of way), "And you shouldn't be in the bed with him because he is the patient and you are the visitor." I agreed with her, again wanting her to think we weren't crazy and in need of whatever diagnosis she would surely label Thomas with, given that week previous. But she wouldn't stop. She probably repeated that statement another three times, perhaps some technique she learned in a doctorate level class. Each time, I nodded in agreement, signaling my understanding of her statement. On one point I thought maybe she wasn't picking up on my nodding and so I finally said, "Yes, I understand," a statement that my son uses when he disobeys and knows I need to know he is listening to me. I guess my verbal cue appeased her and so she let up and moved along to some other questions and responses that left Thomas and I feeling misunderstood.

But like I said, I shouldn't complain. However, in the name of not complaining, Psychiatrist lady made for a good story and perhaps that is redemption in and of itself.

So the story with Thomas is that he will most likely NOT need skin grafts! Hooray! His hands are healing everyday. The pain is less and less. He still has a long way to go, but the progress looks really good. We are continuing to be blessed by the amazing encouragement of friends like you and we can't tell you enough how astounded we are by the comfort of the Holy Spirit by the friends and family in our lives.

On another note, our brother-in-law and nephew who live in China, flew in for the week and it has been so great for Elias to have his cousin here to play with. They LOVE each other and are having so much fun! It's yet another sign to me that this was God's will in this time of our lives.

With care and love,
Cristi

Blue and White Crocs...that pretty much sums it up.

Perhaps my senses are heightened to the average Midwest customs, considering we have lived in a big city that boasts of its fancy cars, skyscrapers, model agencies, movie sets, gay parades, and neighborhoods that are home to every ethnicity under the sun. Today while I was in Meijer I couldn't help but notice how incredibly white everyone was. And I couldn't help but also notice the amount of blue and white strewn across these peoples' bodies, as they donned their Colts sweatshirts, T-shirts, and my favorite, the "Manning" jersey. Yesterday I even stumbled across blue and white "Colts" Crocs at the mall, while the superbowl game played on a plasma screen in the background. And this isn't to mention the number of mullets I have seen and the fact that everyone here has a strange accent. Nor have I mentioned until now the fact that I have to drive seven miles to get anywhere. This, when I'm used to walking to my bank, to my Foodsmart, to my Post Office...to my favorite little Chinese restaurant in Chicago. It begs the question: "Is this where I grew up?" Why didn't I notice these seemingly strange phenomenons for the first 18 years of my life?

And then there is the beauty of this place. I breathe deeper here. And when I walk out the door in the morning, the smell of Fall engulfs my nostrils and makes me clear-headed for a second. The colors are brilliant and the sky is bigger...much bigger than in Chicago. I can drive and see nothing but road. And when I'm home, at my parent's house that is, I have the beautiful opportunity to lose my kids in the bigness of this house. We aren't piled on top of one another, hearing the sounds of chewing, breathing, showering and sleeping (along with other things I will not mention here) all in the same moment...and going outside doesn't require packing a bag, carrying a baby on one hip and a toddler on another, trucking down four flights of stairs all to see the light of day and breathe in the polluted air. Instead, the E and K are running around the yard with the neighbor kids, riding on the lawnmower with my dad, and raking leaves into a big pile and jumping in them, covering their bodies with that fall smell that not even Yankee Candle has been able to bottle yet.

Just as this place is slower paced, so has Thomas' healing become. There was a drastic change that took place in those first ten days (see pictures), but now it seems to have slowed down and the Burn Specialist we saw on Wednesday said he may need some skin grafts yet. There are two places on the tops of his hands that aren't healing. The burn doctors like to see evidence of skin renewal within two weeks. Thomas has hit the two week mark and those places are still looking pretty raw. He isn't worried about it and we'll find out more on Monday. In the meantime, the Insurance company is breathing down our backs, making us give a report immediately upon every Doctor's visit...not because they care about Thomas' well-being, but because this is their job...to make sure they don't have to pay a penny more than need be.

We had some really sweet friends visit us tonight. They drove all the way from Chicagoland just to have dinner with us. I feel very blessed when I think of all the people that truly care about our well-being. And I know that we couldn't have made it through these past two weeks without all your prayers and words and visits. God has used this time to mend many relationships that were a bit broken. I am amazed at all the good that has come from this terrible event. We are still in prayer and feel as if we are in the next waiting room of life upon making the decision whether or not to move back here. As for now, we know we are staying through November. We feel like our time at the building where we were living and working is up and that it's time to move on. But that is truly all we know at this point. We have applied with Avant and they are awaiting some logistical details in order to fully process our applications. Given we are accepted, we will have team training in January in Kansas City and then we will begin support-raising to go to Torino, Italy in 2009. It's going to be a long and interesting road I'm sure.

Well, blessed night to you. Hope all is well on your end. Thank you for letting me share our life with you...

Cristi